Boise Men's Psychotherapist Blog

  This entry was posted on Thursday, October 11th, 2018 at 3:19 pm I won’t let my kids say the statement “I can’t …….”. This comes from a place deep inside me, the place that ran from conflict, gave up when things got hard, and struggled with adversity. Ever since I started this with my kids, the reality is that it has put more onus on myself to also stick to that same discipline. If you want to do something simple, in order to change an incredibly difficult mindset, take out “I can’t”. Your mind is an instrument and you can either choose to let it play you, or you can begin to take the steps to become a better player. Today, when adversity strikes and you say to yourself, “I can’t……”, take some moments to recognize that your mind is playing you like a fiddle. What are you going to do about it?

  This entry was posted on Thursday, October 4th, 2018 at 6:54 pm I’ve always wanted to be good. When I was growing up it was on the field and in the classroom, yet whenever I would make a mistake I was the hardest on myself. For a time, I was also hard on my teammates. I would ruthlessly yell at them and throw a mini temper tantrum, to their detriment. At some point, I finally started growing up and would not ever think of yelling at my teammates, but something else happened, I became ruthlessly self-critical. The most minor of mistakes were blown out of proportion in my own head. I was brutal on myself. At first, I would fight it, but then those seeds of self-doubt would start creeping in and before I knew, “loser” was ringing through my head……. then it became “stupid”, then “you f_ c_ing idiot”, and, well, you can imagine. In truth, I was never able to overcome it in my youth. It took over, it consumed me. I was “the stupid kid”, the “baby”, the petulant teenager with the childish t

  This entry was posted on Thursday, September 20th, 2018 at 7:10 pm Many years ago, our friend Tom Tanner had this stunning revelation, “The darkest moment of your life is the beginning of your finest hour.” It resonated with me as I had been through my own darkest hour(s) up to that point, and I was able to look back to see how things fell into place almost magically which resulted in it being a watershed moment, not just another shitty moment in my life. Since that time, I have had the privilege to connect with many people, who also have had some very dark moments. Some of the people were able to connect with the moment, try to make sense of it, and then somehow/someway work themselves through it. Others also had their very dark moments, yet for some reason could not work themselves through it and lived in the recurring darkness. So whats the difference? How can one recover, and yet one continues to be stuck in the stronghold of a moment? Resiliency is not something I have been bles

  This entry was posted on Thursday, September 13th, 2018 at 5:55 pm One of my favorite writings is called, “I Wear a Thousand Masks.”  Below is a snippet of it: “I hope you won’t be fooled by me for I wear a mask.  I wear a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and one of them is me.  I am likely to give you the impression that I’m secure, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command and that I need no one.  But I hope you won’t believe me.  My surface may be smooth…beneath I dwell in confusion, in fear, in aloneness…I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.  That’s why I frantically create a mood to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated façade to shield me from your understanding.  But such understanding is my salvation, my only salvation, and I know it.  If I don’t keep the mask in front of myself I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.  So I play that gam

  This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 28th, 2018 at 4:47 pm I feel happy, but more than that, I have a level of peace. As a child, all that I wanted was to be rich. In my naïve elementary mind, I always thought that money would make me happy. At one point I wanted to be a dentist because I thought they made a lot of money. At another point I wanted to be a stockbroker because they made a lot of money, in fact, I even interviewed for a job only to be told that “you don’t have the look to be a good stockbroker.” It was defeating because, well, “I want to be happy” (i.e. RICH). I think recollection from my past is easy to say right now as I’m sitting here on Sunday night, my parents here from out of town in the other room playing with my kids. Alas, I remain a work in progress. I think peace for me comes from a place of being married 14 years and never imagining that any one person would except me for that long. From time to time I will be personally awoken with a terrifying fear tha

  This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 15th, 2018 at 3:01 pm The other night I was flipping through the channels when I noticed that the movie Tombstone was on. Tombstone was a 1993 American  Western film  that is based on events in  Tombstone, Arizona , including the  Gunfight at the O.K. Corral  and the  Earp Vendetta Ride , during the 1880s. Like most movies, I am sure that the producers/directors took some liberties as far as the plot being completely true, but regardless it is one of my favorite movies. During the course of the movie, you catch glimpses into the relationship between two people on both sides of the law, Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. Although they may not see eye to eye on a number of issues, it is their bond in the most of important of areas, their friendship. At the end of the movie (clip attached), you see Wyatt come to see Doc in his most fragile state. Even if you put the movie on mute, you can see the intensity and magnitude of their deep friendship as Do