Posts

Having Purpose

  This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 at 3:44 pm A few years back a man that was not well known on the worlds stage did something very interesting, he wrote a book about purpose that flew off the shelves and connected with people, a lot of people, all different people, and ultimately became one of the most influential books of our time. The book, The Purpose Driven Life, was touted as a Christian devotional book, but the ironic thing was that the book connected with so many people, whether they were Christian or not. For me, the central theme wrests in one chapter, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” Webster’s Dictionary defines the word purpose this way: “Your life purpose consists of the central motivating aims of your life—the reasons you get up in the morning. Purpose can guide life decisions, influence behavior, shape goals, offer a sense of direction, and create meaning. For some people, purpose is connected to vocation—meaningful, satisfying work.” For so many peop

I Need a Tune-up (my simple philosophy to creating a better engine)

This entry was posted on Monday, December 17th, 2018 at 6:22 pm When I think of what it takes to move forward through real personal struggle, this is what jumps out at me in regards to what it takes to move past my current condition. Personally, I think of therapy as a little bit about the past, a little bit about the present, and then you get to define what your future looks like. My thoughts, in short: Ruthless Honesty to Self You can make excuses all you want, you can lie to your family, you can lie to friends/acquaintances, you can lie to everybody else, but you still have to look yourself in the mirror and know that you’re making excuses. You can’t run from the person in the mirror looking back at you. Get up off of your butt We all want things to change (or let’s be honest, get better). Most of us are great about talking about change, but talking about it from the comfort of our couch. You want things to change in your life, then get up off of your butt. Change is a verb, so go b

I Don’t Want My Child to Struggle

  This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2018 at 5:32 pm My mom always told me that she wanted me to have a better life than she had. Let’s be clear, my mom did not have a bad life filled with trauma that so many people do, but she simply wanted me to have a better life. I think that so many parents feel the same way, but sadly I also feel so many parents have the idea in their mind that if I give them more then they will be able to perform better. I am not saying don’t expose your kids to things, I am saying don’t remove struggle from their lives in an attempt to make their life better. The old joke is, “how do you make diamonds………pressure.” I have the privilege of living in one of the best places on the planet (according to all those publications that rank the best places to live). It is easy to live here, relatively speaking, compared to other places we have lived in the past. The schools are good, the crime is low, the scenery is nice, and as a result there is affluence. T

Being a Black Belt as a Husband

  This entry was posted on Monday, October 22nd, 2018 at 12:30 pm Everyone, this will be short. Please go and check out my friends site for his new book, “Black Belt Husband”. Quentin Hafner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist that has seen, and been through, the trials/tribulations and success of marriage. This book has an outstanding way of connecting to each of us on what we need to be the husband we can be. https://quentinhafner.com/black-belt-husband-the-book/

I Can’t

  This entry was posted on Thursday, October 11th, 2018 at 3:19 pm I won’t let my kids say the statement “I can’t …….”. This comes from a place deep inside me, the place that ran from conflict, gave up when things got hard, and struggled with adversity. Ever since I started this with my kids, the reality is that it has put more onus on myself to also stick to that same discipline. If you want to do something simple, in order to change an incredibly difficult mindset, take out “I can’t”. Your mind is an instrument and you can either choose to let it play you, or you can begin to take the steps to become a better player. Today, when adversity strikes and you say to yourself, “I can’t……”, take some moments to recognize that your mind is playing you like a fiddle. What are you going to do about it?

“You effing loser!!!!”

  This entry was posted on Thursday, October 4th, 2018 at 6:54 pm I’ve always wanted to be good. When I was growing up it was on the field and in the classroom, yet whenever I would make a mistake I was the hardest on myself. For a time, I was also hard on my teammates. I would ruthlessly yell at them and throw a mini temper tantrum, to their detriment. At some point, I finally started growing up and would not ever think of yelling at my teammates, but something else happened, I became ruthlessly self-critical. The most minor of mistakes were blown out of proportion in my own head. I was brutal on myself. At first, I would fight it, but then those seeds of self-doubt would start creeping in and before I knew, “loser” was ringing through my head……. then it became “stupid”, then “you f_ c_ing idiot”, and, well, you can imagine. In truth, I was never able to overcome it in my youth. It took over, it consumed me. I was “the stupid kid”, the “baby”, the petulant teenager with the childish t

Why are some people more resilient than others?

  This entry was posted on Thursday, September 20th, 2018 at 7:10 pm Many years ago, our friend Tom Tanner had this stunning revelation, “The darkest moment of your life is the beginning of your finest hour.” It resonated with me as I had been through my own darkest hour(s) up to that point, and I was able to look back to see how things fell into place almost magically which resulted in it being a watershed moment, not just another shitty moment in my life. Since that time, I have had the privilege to connect with many people, who also have had some very dark moments. Some of the people were able to connect with the moment, try to make sense of it, and then somehow/someway work themselves through it. Others also had their very dark moments, yet for some reason could not work themselves through it and lived in the recurring darkness. So whats the difference? How can one recover, and yet one continues to be stuck in the stronghold of a moment? Resiliency is not something I have been bles