Better to be a warrior……..

  This entry was posted on Monday, May 14th, 2018 at 7:23 pm As a child I was into martial arts movies with the grand illusion that I could be a tough guy one day. As I’ve grown……slightly in some cases, I have a much clearer recognition that no matter how tough you think you are on the outside you can’t outrun the man/woman on the inside. “Deep thoughts by Ryan.” Looking back, I know that my desire to be a martial arts tough guy was to combat how weak, insignificant, depressed, and powerless I felt. I see things much differently as I recognize the gifts that martial arts can bring. Discipline, camaraderie, friendship, perseverance, and hopefully a level of confidence that propels you to face any challenges. I know what it is like to feel deeply discouraged, insignificant, weak, depressed, and to say to yourself, “if I just do this_________, then I don’t have to worry about these problems.” I believe truly that we are made to be in community, yet depression, anxiety, and our insecuritie

A Bunch of Reasons Why You Should Not Quit

  This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 1st, 2018 at 5:44 pm I came across the article at the bottom this morning amongst my daily routine of wasting time, scrambling to get the kids off, trying to find peace, and the general “to do’s.” Truth be told, I am an expert at only two things in this world: 1) Me, because, well, no one knows me better than me; 2) Quitting, because of how many times I quit when I was growing up because: o It was “too hard” o I was “too stupid” o I was a “loser” o It was easier to say I quit than admit that I was beaten o I was not bold enough to truly face my fears o I can’t __________________ (which, by the way I never let my kids say) The article, entitled “20 Reasons Why Not to Give Up” is interesting, so I decided to add the two that I use in therapy often. Ryan’s “Two Additional Reasons Why Not to Give Up!!!!!” 1) The worst thing in this world is regret, because you cannot do anything about it. 2) You are only a failure, if…………you QUIT!!! The only person w

Discouraged? JUST KEEP GOING!!!!!!

  This entry was posted on Thursday, April 19th, 2018 at 3:47 pm I have been battling with discouragement lately. For anyone that knows me, you might know that Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has become a true passion in my life. For transparency sake, I am a novice by every stretch of the imagination. I am clumsy, awkward, struggle with the guidance and direction given, am in pain, often feel overwhelmed, struggle with the idea that I am the absolute worst one in the class, and on and on and on. I have hit this wall in the last two months where it is work just to go to class. On my drive there I feel that push and pull of an internal struggle where my mind tries to beat me up, my body feels lethargic, and there is a still small voice of hope/encouragement just trying to squeak out to get me to latch onto it. I am not sure exactly when this lethargy happened, because for over a year I was both mentally and physically dedicated to three sessions a week of training. I am in it, the thick of it, alth

“what if I had just………”

  This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 11th, 2018 at 4:04 pm Over the last Spring Break my wife had the great idea that we should go see the family in my hometown of New Port Richey, FL. Going home, although rare, is always an interesting occasion. It was the place that I ran from at 27 years old because it was leading me down the darkest of paths. The place in and of itself is not bad, it was just not the best place for me. This time coming home was much different. This time I was introduced to real growth and prosperity. One of my best friends, when faced with a personal turmoil, decided not to wallow in self-pity and anger, but used it to drive towards a dream. He had sent me a random text months ago about his company laying him off, and…well, lets be honest, how do you respond to a text like that. I struggled, I wanted to say just the right thing, to make just the right impact on such a difficult occasion. In the end, I don’t even know what I said, but I know that I tried to m

“Be uncommon amongst uncommon people.” (David Goggins)

  This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 4th, 2018 at 7:55 pm I had the privilege to listen to a podcast recently in which ex-Navy Seal David Goggins was interviewed. The short version of a very long and difficult story is one of a young man that was abused, saw his mother abused, was seen as stupid, and essentially a nothing in this world with nothing to live or fight for. All David Goggins did was overcome obstacles normal people would quit easily at, to become a true savage and warrior of life. If you don’t know him, please look him up. I have to say that hearing stories like David’s never gets old. It pumps me up, it lifts my spirits, it makes me want to do another round on the heavy bag instead of sitting on my lazy ass watching television. Shoot, honestly, the reason I became a psychotherapist was to figure out what was wrong with me, and hopefully figure out how to not continue to make the same stupid choices. Yet, that still small evil voice will pop into my head, immediatel

I’m Not Getting Older, I’m Getting Better!

  This entry was posted on Monday, March 26th, 2018 at 2:25 pm One of my most favorite movies of all time is Boyz n The Hood. Let’s be honest, I cannot relate to the movie at all, I don’t know what it is like to go through that kind of struggle. For some reason, I have simply always loved it. There is one scene in particular that I have always liked (the link is below, check out the first 40 seconds). In this scene, Furious (father), is cutting his son Tre’s hair. As is their relationship, Tre takes a swipe at Furious by calling him old. Furious immediately cracks back, “I’m not getting old, I’m getting better.” This is the running joke within my home. Whenever my kids or my wife make the joke that Daddy is getting old, I immediately hit back with, “I’m not getting older, I’m getting better.” It’s the truth, I am getting better and I have no desire to go back. I struggle when around people talking about the good old days, probably more because I think, why in the world would anyone eve

I’m Not Angry!!!!…..I’m Insecure

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 22nd, 2018 at 3:54 pm I can remember the situation like it was yesterday. Going about my daily routine like any other day, a young lady whom I did not know came up to me inquisitively. She looked at me and asked, “is everything ok?” Looking at her puzzled, I replied, “yeah, why?!” “Because you always look angry.” I wish I could tell you that I handled this situation well, but that would be a lie. Sure, I was fine in front of her, at least I acted unscathed in that moment. I mean, I did not yell or curse at her, no I saved that for the car. “Who the hell is she!!!” “Who the f____ is she to ask me that!!!” “Screw her, and everyone else at that stupid school!!!” You can see where this is going. I had been found out, the façade had been cracked by this unsuspecting girl. I couldn’t sleep that night, I was so angry and embarrassed by this one singular moment……never knowing that this would propel me in what I now believe I am truly meant to do. See, w