(ALL) Steps to Control my ANGRY Outbursts

 This entry was posted on Thursday, July 18th, 2019 at 5:26 pm


I have struggled with anger for the majority of my life. This may be why I personally hate the idea of going to “anger management”. I think that life is more complicated than that and the fact that you are going to simply teach me a couple tools and that will solve everything, is just not logical……to me. That being said, as a kid I could be a tyrant. I would yell and scream at teammates on the field, I would break things at home, I would destroy items in fits of rage. All of these were my temper tantrums. Sadly, it is not just kids that have temper tantrums. As a 44-year-old, married man, father to two kids, throwing temper tantrums is not setting the best example for young minds. I wish I could tell you I have mastered my outbursts, but I remain a work in progress. So, lets start to break things down to get a better handle on how we manage ourselves when angered.

First thing we have to acknowledge is that anger is a very normal feeling. Everyone gets angry, and if they say they don’t, sorry, not buying it. Anger is not good, Anger is not bad, it’s what you do with your anger that matters. Having the ability to lean into the anger (i.e. feel it, slow it down, and ultimately get to the root) is most beneficial. Having the ability to control my anger means having more personal power by being able to be in control of my angry reactions despite the attempts of others to hassle me.

The ABC’s of Anger

Antecedent – what led to the problem?

Behavior – what did you do (your response)?

Consequence – what were the consequences of your behavior?

How Do I Get Better at Dealing with My Anger More EFFECTIVELY?

·       Triggers (what “triggered” the angry response?)

     o   External Triggers – things someone else does or things that happen that cause us to react with anger or become stressed out.

                    §  May be verbal (someone calling you a name) or nonverbal (someone pushes you)

     o   Internal Triggers – things we say to ourselves that increase our angry impulses.

·       Cues – Cues are our physical signs that tells when we are becoming angry.

·       Anger Reducers – techniques we can use to help calm ourselves down.   

     o   Examples:

                    §  Deep breathing: taken from the world of sports. Athletes commonly use it to help themselves stay focused. (JUST BREATHE BLOG)

                         ·       Inhale through your nose, hold for two seconds, exhale through your mouth

                    §  Backward counting: Calms you down while you think about how to respond effectively.

                         ·       Count backwards silently from 100 – 1 (by 3’s)

                    §  Pleasant imagery: A situation so relaxing that it actually reduces tension and anger.

·       Reminders

     o   It’s helpful to use sports analogies

     o   Ex: “Bend your knees and follow through” when making a foul shot in basketball

     o   Ex: “Watch out for his left” or “jab then hook” in boxing

·       Thinking Ahead

     o   Thinking ahead is a way of controlling anger in a conflict situation by judging the likely future consequences of current behavior.

     o   “If I do this now, THEN this will probably happen later:

     o   Short-term consequences vs Long-term consequences

     o   External Consequences vs Internal Consequences

·       Self-Evaluation

     o   Looking at the situation pragmatically, instead of emotionally.  

 

TRIGGERS

ò

CUES

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ANGER REDUCERS

ò

REMINDERS

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THINKING AHEAD

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SELF-EVALUATION

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